About Repaired
Why it exists, what it is built on, and what it is not.
Most hard conversations fail for the same reason: the two people in them are talking past each other. One is still in the argument. The other is already defending against an argument that never happened.
Repaired is a structured, private process for two people to work through conflict at their own pace, with enough space between messages that defensiveness can settle before a response gets written. It is not therapy. It is a protocol.
The structure exists for a specific reason: unstructured hard conversations tend to escalate. Structured ones, where each person follows the same steps in the same order, tend not to.
Why it exists
I built Repaired because conflict was the thing I was worst at. I was anxious in relationships, then avoidant. I was divorced twice. Much of that was on me: I did not understand conflict, other people's emotions made me uncomfortable, and I ran from them. I am good at finding the positive in almost anything, which is also a way of never acknowledging what hurts.
The understanding came much later, from work on myself and inside a relationship where we see the world differently, carry different histories, and react differently when something lands. My instinct is still to get past the feeling and to the logic as fast as I can. What I had to learn is that the feeling is information, and that some people need to be heard, not solved, before anything else is possible. From the inside that still feels strange. It is also real.
The lessons took a lifetime. The idea behind Repaired is that repairing a conflict is hard for many separate reasons, and that a process can carry both people through those reasons and past the moments where it usually breaks. I want more people to be able to do this well.
Thomas Zinn, founder. More about Thomas
What it is built on
Repaired draws on six bodies of research with substantial empirical support. The protocol is not a novel therapeutic intervention. It is an applied structure built from frameworks that have been studied for decades. The frameworks are invisible in the product: users experience a structured process, not a course in communication theory.
Structured reflection (Phase B)
Phase B follows the observation / feeling / need / request model. Users identify what happened (factually, without interpretation), how they felt, what they needed, and what they would ask for. Separating these four things, which most people collapse into a single reactive statement, is the step that changes the quality of everything that follows.
Regulation and attunement (Phases A and C)
Decades of couples research have identified that physiological arousal during conflict impairs communication. Phase A checks readiness before any content is shared. Phase C (mirroring and validation) is informed by research on attunement: the act of accurately reflecting back what you heard, before responding with your own experience, is the mechanism that determines whether a repair attempt is received or rejected.
Accountability and repair (Phases C and D)
Phase C includes an acknowledgment of contribution: each person is invited to name their own part in what happened, not just the other person's, and only if it is true for them. Phase D is the repair message itself: an apology, a request, a boundary, or an expression of gratitude. Both are bilateral, each person goes through both steps, privately and simultaneously.
Sources
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. (2003). PuddleDancer Press.
The foundational text for NVC. Repaired uses the observation / feeling / need / request framework as the structure for Phase B reflections.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
John M. Gottman, Ph.D. and Nan Silver (1999). Harmony Books.
Introduces the concept of "repair attempts": bids to de-escalate during or after conflict. The four horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling) inform the tone check.
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail
John M. Gottman, Ph.D. (1994). Simon & Schuster.
The research foundation for the Gottman method, including the 5:1 positivity ratio and predictors of relationship dissolution.
The Science of Trust
John M. Gottman, Ph.D. (2011). W. W. Norton & Company.
Covers attunement and the role of turning toward bids for connection, the basis for Phase C (mirroring and validation).
What Repaired is not
Not therapy
Repaired does not provide mental health treatment. No licensed practitioner is involved. It is a structured communication protocol, not a clinical service.
Not couples counseling
There is no facilitator, mediator, or therapist. Repaired is two people and a process, nothing more.
Not appropriate for all situations
Repaired is designed for two people in a roughly equal dynamic who both choose to participate. It is not appropriate for situations involving abuse, domestic violence, coercion, or active mental health crises. In those situations, professional support is required.
Not a guarantee
We cannot promise that a repair will succeed. We can say: having a structured, bilateral process is better than having no process, and that is what Repaired provides.
Contact
Repaired is built and maintained by a small team. Questions: hello@repairedapp.com. Security issues: security@repairedapp.com.
Where to go next
- How the process works
The six phases, what each one is for, and why the order matters.
- The research behind it
The peer-reviewed work the protocol draws on, and which parts we used.
- Guides
Partners, friends, family, coworkers: what helps, and the situations Repaired is not built for.
- Press kit
Boilerplate, founder background, and how to describe Repaired accurately.